Got my ass kicked again in grad school

phdilemmas, thoughts

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Have you ever heard that getting a PhD is hard? If you’re considering on starting one be aware that this is a nearly impossible task in Computer Graphics. You can get an MFA by only attending to classes and doing some random artwork on the side. After 3 years of sitting around, partying and dozens of messy relationships I earned an MFA in Electronic and time based media. Some of you might be aware that the MFA is already a terminal degree and no further training is needed to be in the academic or art market. However, I ended out enrolling on a PhD in Computer Graphics… I originally thought of only getting a seconds masters, so I could sit around some more, but my advisers said that it would be just “stupid” to do a second masters. Well… 2 years later and after seeing all the master students have graduated I feel more stupid!

Making a PhD is about making a supreme breakthrough in knowledge. Art making is an expression and new work alone does not mean a contribution. Or is it?

I am really talking form the heart of my frustration. I was hoping to be able to present my preliminary exams by the end of this semester, but according to my adviser “I’m not ready yet”. I really respect him and I thank him for kicking my ass in a caring way. There was nothing mean about his statements, but “being ready” is an abstract concept that only leaders of a fraternity and PhD advisers can decide.  Dr. W wants me to see more of who I am. He doesn’t want me to please the needs of traditional research, he just wants me to take the time to use my PhD as my opportunity to develop my artistic and philosophical ideas like I never done before. His advice is that I need to be more of an artist than I am being now, to believe in myself, and in my art. I need to believe more in the stuff I make, stop being modest about it, because it is just bringing me down.  I doubt myself a lot and this is not letting my creative ideas expand… I’m also trying to make to make to many things at once. Dr. W’s message make more art, care less.  He also mentioned that the road is more fun than the end- and I agree with him. I guess I don’t want the PhD as much as I want to make great artwork. I see people doing amazing things everyday and I want to do it too!

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